by Euny Hong
Nunchi is the art of creating round pleasant atmosphere in which everyone benefits:
- subtle art of gauging other people’s thoughts and feelings to build harmony, trust and connection
- art of reading a room and understanding what others are thinking and feeling
- context – body language, facial expressions, tradition, who else is in room, even silence
- think of room as living breathing organism with its own temperature, barometric pressure, volume, mood.
- room’s atmosphere or wellness level. Your job is to work out what your role is
- eye assessment, observation
- two eyes and two ears and one mouth, look and listen (twice as much listening as talking)
- more focused on others than ourselves in order to read nonverbal cues
- stillness and discernment
- uncanny ability to predict human behavior
- create atmosphere of roundness
- empty mind, center, breathe
- paying attention to those around you
- pay attention to what is not said
- take focus off self to see what situation demands and let behavior be led by person whose good opinion you need
- mirroring
- Socratic Method
- think of everyone but yourself
- Korean culture values seeing oneself as part of larger organism
- work meeting – bring snacks to pass around literally creating roundness, ignites flow and connection, creates awareness of hive mind
- what is emotional energy
- what emotional energy can i emit to flow with that
Smartphone is enemy of nunchi.
Bias of western culture
- Empathy valued over understanding
- Noise over stillness and quiet
- Extroversion over introversion
- Jagged edge over roundness (pushy behavior of sharp elbowed people)
- Individualism over collectivism
- Western myth of self reliance
- Western advice – firm handshake, look in eye, strong confident voice
Nunchi Rules
- empty your mind.
- Nunchi observer effect – enter room mindfully and deliberately, think outside self. Nunchi room entry ritual, quietly assess existing climate
- If you just arrived in a room everyone else was there longer
- Never pass up an opportunity to shut up – if you wait long enough most questions will be answered for you. You learn more from listening than from speaking. Being silent puts you at an advantage
- Manners serve useful purpose
Random Stuff
Kibun mood as full body experience
Nunchi faux pas
Nincompoopery
Malignant narcissist gets disproportionately annoyed when no one laughs at their jokes
Light a candle to fill room with love and laughter, glow draws everyone together unified and warm