Dr. Gottman’s Love Lab measured 700, tracking couples’ blood velocities, heart and pulse rates, amount of palm sweat, how much they squirmed in chairs, how quickly hearts pounded. Cameras recorded every word, facial expression, sensors tracking bodily signs of stress or relaxation. He can predict with over 90% accuracy if a couple will stay married.

What makes marriage work?

Friendship is backbone of marriage

Acknowledging and respecting each other’s deepest, most personal hopes and dreams is key to saving and enriching your marriage.

Shared meaning

• rituals of connection
• support for each other’s roles
• shared goals
• shared values and symbols

Repairs – attempts to prevent escalation

Negative capability – ability to exist amid uncertainties, mysteries & doubt without reaching for absolutes.

Mutual fondness (how they view past) and admiration

Let your partner influence you

Learn to yield to win

Solve solveable problems, soften start ups

Antagonisms that lead to divorce

• bad memories
• failed repair attempts
• harsh start-ups (negative, accusatory)
• criticism
• contempt
• defensiveness
• stonewalling
• flooding

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